Cliques

Cliques

I recieved another request today! At first I wanted to talk about gaming and how it affects lives...etc. BUT a reader's request is always more important to me :) Sooooo let's talk about Cliques. (NOTE: If you are lazy to read EVERYTHING, just read the words highlighted in PINK all the way below)

Having a sense of belonging is something that even the most self-secure people want. No man (or woman) can live lonely forever, knowing that everyone around them is having a good time with each other. So having a close set of friends or a 'Clique' is important...maybe even nessasary

So First thing I was asked: "What's it like to be in a clique?"

Ok everyone, I'm gonna just say it out, I'm NOT in a clique. Yes, I have a close set of friends who you may see me with very often but that's more like being bros more than really a clique. I was once in a clique...like 4 years back? I think it was from tuition or church (honestly, I don't really remember) BUT being in a clique on the external basis: You guys will hang out a fair bit, talk and interact alot, Have lots of fun and maybe some down moments. Basically, It's like having a group of besties. It's very hard to specifically state the definition of a clique (though i can get google's definition). Why is it difficult? Every clique is different, these group of people share a common interest or  view towards something...and that brings me to the next question...

"How do you enter a clique?"

Well...you don't force yourself into one, that's for sure. Honestly, I thought cliques formed naturally, like how friends get to know each other better and become best friends. But if you really want to enter this Can (I mean Cique...I've been gaming today,sorry :P ) Maybe you should first see if you know any of the people in this clique? If you do, ask yourself, WHY do you want to join this clique? Is it just because they're popular? Isit because you like someone in that group of people? Or do you really share the same views as them? The reader who sent me this request falls in another category which I will share in the next part, but IF you fall in any of the categories above, here's a piece of advice: DO NOT join a group just because the people there are popular, you'll have a horrible and possibly BORING time. JOIN a group or form a clique, with people that share the same interest or maybe share some similarities. (That'll reduce the awkwardness)

and if you want the really easy way (it's ...a way...but personally I find it kinda like a cheap method and won't use it, BUT it works*) : Try to target one of the core members in the clique and then stick to him/her. Then become good friends with that person and as things happen one after another, you'd eventually get into the clique.

*please note that I get my information not just from myself but from people with cliques or several cliques. This makes the info more well rounded and brings in more perspectives :)


But here's the reader's question, which left me stumped (I'll write out the scenerio):
Your best friend, is in a clique. YOU are not in that clique. You don't get to spend as much time with your best friend or even your friends. Why? They are all in cliques.

You'd feel quite left out right? I had a best friend (If you didn't know, please read the earlier posts :) ), honestly speaking, we didn't spend THAT much time together. The core of the relationship, was the interactions we had with one another and cherishing each moment. For the reader's question here, I can understand what it's like to be seperated from your bestie because they have something else to do (in the case of the question, the bestie has his/her own clique)
What I didn't understand was why you wouldn't be in the clique that your bestie is in? If it's a gender clique, i can understand. Like your bestie is in a girl clique, and you're a guy, PLEASE DO NOT TRY JOINING THE CLIQUE. Really don't, your bestie still loves you (in the best friend way), but don't push it.
But in any other scenerios of cliques, if your bestie is in a clique, you should be in it too. Cos besties are usually quite alike (or similar in a way).
If you're truly having trouble getting into the clique your bestie is in, this next part is a sneaky way (another cheap method) : When the clique has an outing, pretend that you don't know they have an outing and ask your bestie what he/she is up to that day. Then your bestie naturally talks about the outing (If he/she doesn't then i'll recommend you double check your friendship status yeah :/ ).  After that, just ask if you can come along since you're free. Why can you be so brave? Hello, you guys are besties! And...also try to get into their whatsapp group (They most likely have one, even clique-less people like me have almost 10 whatsapp groups already)

Personally, My view is that you should never feel excluded even if you're not in a clique. Keep some close friends who you can turn to. Not spending enough time with friends who are in a clique is normal. You should not particularly hate a clique or cliques because you seemed to have lost a friend due to one. people change. That's what I learnt from my bestie. I changed, she changed, both of us changed. That's why I never blame her or myself for whatever happened. What you need to do is let go. Move on. Remember, best friends should bring the best out of each other, if it is one way, you guys aren't besties. Some things you just can't control, let it be God's will. (I'm not being lazy by leaving it to God. I'm being realistic.) In the end, you never know, one day you guys may be great friends again. Also, Just because one clique may treat you badly because your best friend starts to prefer them to you (yes some cliques are childish), don't stereotype cliques. Some cliques really aren't that bad. As I said earlier, just let go. Let it be, MOVE ON. (The quote below has an expletive, but I trust all my readers are mature enough to get the meaning from the quote :) )

OKAY...I've talked alot today. Hope it helps the reader who asked. For those who are still wondering, the pink part at the end was me answering the reader directly, about my personal feelings towards cliques.

Thanks Readers! Always Lifting You Higher :)

Leave a comment below! OR follow me on twitter: @toranseth OR instagram: @sethtoran